I just wanna lose so much weight. But I love food so much.

Ooo just got back from talking to my mom. Apparently it's my fault that I think I'm ugly. Like she had nothing to do with my upbringing and self-image growing up. Still feeling like a ugly fat ass loser.

I hate that when I lose weight I'm more accepted by my mother. As if it wasn't enough that I'm her daughter.

Why do I have to be so weak. Why do I feel I have to change my appearance to fit into my family. I don't feel beauty in anything I do because everything is governed by my appearance. I don't feel like dying. I just wanna loose so much weight that I'll be accepted.

I eat umaibo but that's all for a snack. I'd kill for sushi tho. I could eat like a dozen in 1 sitting. But after starving myself for 1 week (cheat day was sat for a baby shower) I couldn't even finish a dozen and had to take home me leftovers. I pretty sure it's working.

Just trying to starve myself for another week until my stomach gets used to little food. I eat an egg tho every morning so that I'm not completely starving.

Arghhh